The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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