who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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