i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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