toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
