You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
