Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
