take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
