just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
