6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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