went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
