Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
