remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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