I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
