youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
