whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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