sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
