I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We are two peas in an std pod
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
