we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
