We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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