I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
