Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
