I didn't shave. On purpose
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
