some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
