i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
