I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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