The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
