I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
