nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
