just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
