Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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