I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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