What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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