Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
