He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
