Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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