If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We left the knife in your bed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
