you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
