Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
