you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
