You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
