I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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