I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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