Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
