Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
