Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
