so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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