Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
