Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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