dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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