what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
