RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
